Change

I’m really struggling right now. I need a change. I need to do something different. I’m bored with the constant chaos if that makes any sense. Every day is the same, yet there is always something different. Maybe it’s more the routine. The systems that have been put in place to keep us sane– to keep food on the table and in lunchboxes. To keep diapers and extra clothes and snacks at all the appropriate “schools” for each child. They’re dragging me down.

I can’t decide if I just need a job change or a location change. I fantasize about a bigger house that needs less work and has better storage. Somewhere that feels more rural, more peaceful. A fresh start. BUT, I can’t help but like this house, our first house, the house my kids were born in. I like our neighbors and the spray park and our diner. I don’t like Max’s school or our home location next to a gas station and right off a busy, noisy, dirty street. I need to open my windows at night without fear that our neighbors or a truck will be too loud and set off the dog barking or a kid crying.

As far as jobs go, I want to do something important. I want to something meaningful and helpful. I go back and forth on what that means each day. So far, I’ve considered:

1. Staying home with the boys

2. Becoming a professional blogger talking about my point of view as a full-time working parent with a special needs child. (I realize that this doesn’t make any sense as essentially I’d have to quit my full-time job or decrease my hours to do this which negates the point of the blog. See where my circular thinking is going).

3. Going to nursing school

4. Renewing my teaching license

5. Opening a children’s consignment shop named Pumpernickel

6. Working for Early Intervention

Clearly I haven’t figured out which is best but I hope I do soon…as does my husband.

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