Change

I’m really struggling right now. I need a change. I need to do something different. I’m bored with the constant chaos if that makes any sense. Every day is the same, yet there is always something different. Maybe it’s more the routine. The systems that have been put in place to keep us sane– to keep food on the table and in lunchboxes. To keep diapers and extra clothes and snacks at all the appropriate “schools” for each child. They’re dragging me down.

I can’t decide if I just need a job change or a location change. I fantasize about a bigger house that needs less work and has better storage. Somewhere that feels more rural, more peaceful. A fresh start. BUT, I can’t help but like this house, our first house, the house my kids were born in. I like our neighbors and the spray park and our diner. I don’t like Max’s school or our home location next to a gas station and right off a busy, noisy, dirty street. I need to open my windows at night without fear that our neighbors or a truck will be too loud and set off the dog barking or a kid crying.

As far as jobs go, I want to do something important. I want to something meaningful and helpful. I go back and forth on what that means each day. So far, I’ve considered:

1. Staying home with the boys

2. Becoming a professional blogger talking about my point of view as a full-time working parent with a special needs child. (I realize that this doesn’t make any sense as essentially I’d have to quit my full-time job or decrease my hours to do this which negates the point of the blog. See where my circular thinking is going).

3. Going to nursing school

4. Renewing my teaching license

5. Opening a children’s consignment shop named Pumpernickel

6. Working for Early Intervention

Clearly I haven’t figured out which is best but I hope I do soon…as does my husband.

Cookie Crisp

Back from the Open House. Let’s just say that it was a little like “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore”. The first indicator that something was amiss was when we walked in and the teacher said “The classroom is not really ready yet but Max can play while we talk”. Um, isn’t having a ready classroom the point of an Open House? Aren’t you supposed to show Max where he’s going to put his back pack and where the circle area is? This classroom had no labeled cubbies and the names of the kids from last year were still up on the weather chart and calendar. Oh boy.

Some additional highlights of our visit include:

  • being told that the teacher just received Max’s file the minute we walked in door even though it’s been available since June
  • being told that the kids were served Cookie Crisp for  a snack. COOKIE Crisp?!?!
  • being told that Max probably couldn’t start tomorrow because we had rejected  his IEP (which we didn’t)
  • seeing that the names of the kids from last year’s class were still up on the calendar and weather chart
  • having the Para Professional apologize for being late because she was in the classroom next door looking at wedding photos
  • having the school nurse balk when I told her Max would probably bring his own snack because no one in the school was able to present me with a list of ingredients for the snacks they served. Did I mention that one of those snacks was COOKIE CRISP?!?!

Needless to say I was in tears on the way home and am seriously considering figuring out what I have to do to renew my teaching license. I CANNOT believe this is how special ed programs are run. Let’s see how the first day goes tomorrow.